Get Your Freakshakes On!

Molly Bakes

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears... and your saliva glands... because we need to talk about freakshakes.

In case you haven't heard of them, freakshakes are big, creamy, ice cream-based milkshakes which HAVE CAKES ON TOP OF THEM. And pretzels! And doughnuts! And brownies! And ice cream sandwiches! All with lashings of whipped cream and syrup.

Apparently the idea originated in Australia (darn those Aussies with their nice tans and their beach sports and their much better metabolisms) but it's recently made it over to our fair isle of the UK, and everyone is rightly going nuts-bananas over these gooey, frothy, dreamy milkshake delights.

WHERE CAN I GET ONE? I hear you scream, pawing at your computer screen with longing and trying not to hyperventilate (I'm just presuming your reaction was identical to mine here).

Molly Bakes, London

Molly Bakes in East London is your answer, my sweet-toothed friends. She makes them using locally sourced ingredients AND she makes all the cakes and sweet treats adorning these freakshakes beauties herself.

Here's another two of hers:

Molly Bakes

Yep, told you.

You can also get freakshakes in several other UK locations, including Maxwells in London, the Great British Cupcakery in Newcastle and Fabio's Gelato cafe in Hitchin, Hertfordshire.

Special props goes to the Great British Cupcakery for giving their freakshakes amazing geordie names like Canny Caramel and Vanilla Thrilla:

OMG!!!! Launching tomorrow, our stupidly tasty GB (Geet Big!) Shakes!!!!! A full pint of tasty shake goodness available in the following flavours: Canny Caramel, Cushty CookieDough, Choccy Road and Vanilla Thrilla! Tag a friend who'd love one of these bad boys! #geetbigshakes #gbcupcakery #parlourpics

A photo posted by The Great British Cupcakery (@gbcupcakery) on Jul 24, 2015 at 11:43am PDT

They have also taken things to a new level recently with CHEESECAKE FREAKSHAKES:

Say cheese to our new Bonny Blue! #gbshakes #geetbigshakes #gbcupcakery #bakery #quayside #newcastle #cake #homemade #handmade #food #foodporn #dessert

A photo posted by The Great British Cupcakery (@gbcupcakery) on Apr 27, 2016 at 12:41pm PDT

Bonny Blue indeed.

And don't worry, OF COURSE they make boozy ones. In fact, just yesterday Baileys announced they'd partnered with our favourite Molly Bakes and this is what happened:

It’s the freaking Bank Holiday Weekend! We’re celebrating with this amazing Molly Bakes x Baileys Freakshake, created especially for us by cake queen @mollybakes. Which treats would you add to your dream freakshake? #Baileys #MollyBakes #Freakshake #BankHoliday

A photo posted by Baileys Irish Cream (@baileysofficial) on Apr 29, 2016 at 10:01am PDT

What in the name of chocolate sprinkles are you waiting for? Go forth and multiply your body fat by eating as many of these bloody marvellous freakshakes as your fear of diabetes will allow.

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.