Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Hardcore Drinks For Hardcore Drinkers.

Photo taken from opethpainter under CCL
Lots of drinkers these days see themselves as hardcore. When it actually comes down to it though, it's more to do with quantity than quality. Take a look at the typical bloke in the bar on a Saturday night with all his other Hollister clad mates getting a bit lairy. Are they necking absinthe directly from the bottle? No! They're slurping on lager tops with the occasional sambuca thrown in there. Oh look one of them's set it alight in his mouth. Oh dear, his face is on fire.

So what do you do when you really want to challenge yourself but not drink to excess? Well, try these on for size, you pansy!

Beer (ish) 

Those maniacs up in BrewDog offer the Watt Dickie. But what is the Watt Dickie? Well it started life as a humble IPA, bouncing around the Hoppy Forest with it's good friends Golden Ale and Stout. Then it was ripped away and cast into a frozen hell where it endured torturous temperatures. The cold altered it's mind making it question it's own identity, all the while giving a new found strength. The result is a 35% malty beast that not only tastes great, but will kick you in the head and laugh at you as you cry on the floor. Stick on some Converge and serve it neat or on the rocks.
Watt Dickie is available from the BrewDog website for £3.50 for a 60ml bottle.


Manage to get your filthy chops around that without falling over? Good because here comes trouble! Everyone knows rum is awesome. Not only are there the classic pirate connotations but it also invokes images of sun drenched beaches, not to mention those HILARIOUS Malibu adverts from a few years back. Well this melon is certainly not for display purpose only! Over in Trinidad and Tobago they have been cooking up a twisted concoction for hundreds of years known as Puncheon Rum. As a young boy (mid teens) I was introduced to this by none other than my own family. I was immediately surprised to see that on the label it read 'not less than 75%'. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW STRONG IT IS AND THEY MADE IT! Well this should be fun! Aside from wiping your face clean off of your body it does actually have a taste. Just imagine a normal white rum and multiply the burning by lots. Grab a bottle from drinksupermarket.com for £35.99.


By now you should be feeling pretty sick. I genuinely feel sick just writing this, but that might have something to do with lunch. Our final stop in the carousel of lunacy brings us to a Soho establishment known as Zenna Bar. Home of the Hottest Cocktail in the WORLD! Seriously, you have to sign a disclaimer saying that you won't sue the living daylights out of the place if it all goes belly up.

What can I say other than it's fire in a glass! Sweats, stingy eyes, flushed cheeks and just a general feeling of discomfort are all present and accounted for after this beast. Maybe stick to a sex on the beach.

So if you've managed to make it through all three of those, just let me know what ward you're on and what hours I can come and visit. It's okay, I'll bring you grapes and an ocean sounds CD to make it all better. Pansy.

I really should emphasise that these should be enjoyed in moderation. Drink responsibly and what not.

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