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| Oh Piss Off |
So it's 2014, at long last. It seems like only a year ago since the last new year...
So hands up if you are one of the foolish people with a New Year's resolution. Have fun with that for the next week or so, before you realise that life is far too miserable when you eat less/drink less/exercise more/spend more time with your grotty little children.
How about some actually good resolutions? Some boozy ones. Sod it, 2014 will probably be a bag of crap like every other year, you may as well try and forget it as you go along...
1. Drink MORE
Because you know you want to anyway and there are some pretty considerable health benefits, including avoiding dementia, preventing kidney stones and making you a rampant git in the sack.
Here is why you should pick up the bottle in 2014: The BENEFITS of Booze
We don't mean become an alcoholic, oh no. We mean drink more of what you love (stop saving special bottles for a rainy day - apparently, it rains ALL THE TIME in 2014) and drink more of what you've never tried before.
2. Travel More
Because your family are boring and don't like you that much anyway, flick 'em the V's and flee the country. Go to somewhere hotter, somewhere with less drizzle, it doesn't really matter where but do make sure that you stop off at duty-free to pick up more alcohol (and cigars while you are at it). Hugo had the right idea: A Travel Exclusive: The Balvenie Triple Cask 12yr
3. Eat More
Because food is good, it stops you from dying, make the most of it. Who knows, if you eat enough, you may be lucky enough to develop gout, which would be great because rumour has it gout is going to be SO IN in 2014. And eat more food with booze in it - it just tastes better. First off, start by eating this Sherry and Chorizo Stew because it has booze in it and its bloody delicious.
Because let's face it, your life has been bloody dull so far. You know what you like and you like what you know. Right. Why not broaden your horizons a little and try something that you have never even considered before? Skydive? Bungee jump? Kill a guy? OR just taste something a little out of the ordinary. Oddka Vodka is a pretty good place to start. See, you are mental after all! Good Work!
5. Don't be one of these people - 5 Wine Stereotypes Enough said, really.
So if you follow these 5, carefully thought out and very constructive steps, you can be sure to make 2014 one to remember. Or... not remember as much of as you'd think, depending on how far you go with this.
Happy New Year, folks.
What are your resolutions? If they are along these lines, we would love to hear about them. Comment below or on our twitter or facebook pages.
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